The weekends seem more tiring than it should have been.. Been at home all day since yesterday. Late nights, waking up when the daylight is all over my face. Tiredness is not the only thing wearing me out these days. Infinite thoughts that can only be substituted by whatever is on my laptop. Time just seems to pass by like the winds every day. In a blink of the eye, the weekend's over. What's ahead is another tiring week. Can’t do anything but sit back and wait for the agony to end.
Life can be a turn off sometimes, well most of the time for me actually. Never learnt to appreciate, never will. School seems nothing but an endless cycle. Sometimes I wished 2012 was real. There’s no X-factor in this wretched world now to me anyways. Life revolves around a few things I can’t seem to enjoy or try to appreciate.
Another week of torture awaits.. I’m off. Good night.
Skipped school today.. Totally worn out with a backache after yesterdays' basketball. Hurts okay?
Damn dead at home.. Everyone went out. I gotta be early for sch tmr. I hate being late cuz ill get bet seats. Seriously.. I cant even shoot anymore.. WTF. Everything is just not hitting, and that sux really. EVERYTHING is not hitting... Even during practice.
Yeah screw everything. I know im anorexic and whatever. Fuck that. It's not like i dont eat enough. My parents are blaming me on it, and refuse to have me go for a checkup. They insist it's the fuckin genes. Doesn't anyone know how much i hate myself? Doesn't anyone know that I know I'm fuckin anorexic? Why does everyone have to remind me? U think i like it? I dread wearing anything short sleeved and I always put on a jacket cuz im afraid i'll get laughed at. I know I look like crap too, so stop reminding me how bad I already look. Why is the heavens doing this to me? Why is it that i dont get anything i want at all? I hate life, I hate who I am, and I hate myself. Why cant i just be like a normal person? Why does god make it this way? Why is it that i have to do this to myself? In the end, im back at square one. I suck.
A lot of the pain you are experiencing right now is actually fear. Fear of things being different then how you liked them, fear of never finding love again, fear of being alone, fear of having to fill your time differently. We’re afraid of the unknown.
— Its Called A Breakup Because Its Broken
Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.
— Neil Gaiman
It wont all get better in time.
WTF?Nov 13, 2009
Wtf is wrong with me ?Wtf is wrong with everyone? Wtf is wrong with everything? Cant I have a break since i didnt go to school today? Why must every single little fucking thing ruin my mood today? WTF?
Why cant she just Shut the hell up? I'm already frikin 17 and wtf? Do i need to repeat myself that its not because i sleep "late" thats why i missed school today. WTF is wrong with her? It's clear that i just needed some rest from a long period of schooling. Cant she just fucking understand me?
I was studying halfway when she opened the door and shouted at me for not sleeping. WTF? Did she even know i was studying? I told her i was studying and she told me "WHY NEVER STUDY EARLIER". WTF? I need her to to tell me that? Its my fucking problem if i sleep late seriously? I do this every fuckin day and i still go to school as usual so what the fuck is wrong? Am i not independent enough? Have i not shown you that I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF? God. Give me a fuckin break please.
Im going crazy, and is too fucked to bother wth is it you wana say. I will be pissed at the little'st things so please, just forget about it if your just gonna insult me more, cuz I wont entertain any silly comments.
You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
KNN FACEBOOK make me dulan until cannot. WTF tell me invalid Email. I still can fucking login my own email lor. Tell me invalid email address. Fucking system.
I really dulan until CMI lar. Fuck la. Like taking away my life like that. DULAN LA. WTF
Cant believe im blogging in school again. Today is so boring i swear. Im almost falling asleep already. Hope that the UT later would be manageable.. Totally in no mood to do UT or even do well for UT. Screw Sem 2 seriously. Tiring me out every single god damned day. Extreme mood swings every day. Can't take it anymore.
